Saturday 29 May 2010

Moments ~ 2

This is not strictly connected with my PhD though the feelings express do make me the writer I am. Those that follow this blog are probably aware that my Mummy died recently (we were never meant to call her Mum, she hated it). The wonderful Prof Elizabeth Stuart explained that grief is like a madness and it takes over when you least expect it. She wasn't wrong. I suddenly find myself overwhelmed by it at the weirdest of times.

Today was one of those days. I went to watch my gorgeous 5 year old step grand daughter dance in her first ballet show. She was a bunny. It was a wonderful show. But she dances at the same ballet school that my own gorgeous girl, Charlie, danced at. The school is run by the darling Sally Ballet (actually Stanyard) who also sang at the funeral. I was really looking forward to it and then the curtain went up. Some of the 'big' girls came on in white tutus and danced a beautiful dance. Well that did it. The memories came flooding back. My Mummy was passionate about dance having danced throughout the first part of her life until World War II interrupted her dream. She was over the moon when Charlie started dancing too. She came to every show with me and we would sit and watch the glorious spectacles that Sally always puts on. So today was the first show I had watched with out her and the last show I had watched was with her and with my daughter dancing. Some of the costumes were similar and some of the dances too. I confess there was definitely the odd tear in my eye. Greg, Bea's Daddy and Charlie's wonderful partner was very tolerant of this weird woman weeping beside him.

It is these emotions that make me a writer. Make me see, hear and feel things that stir the imagination. The memories may have made me cry but they were such good ones. I know the first year of grief is the first of a lot of things, but in my mind that had meant birthdays, Christmas etc. It didn't occur to me that ballet shows and the Chelsea Flower Show would come into these. (She loved that too - I have Ascot and Wimbledon to get through yet)

I do know she was with me watching as there were numerous white feathers.

Please excuse this indulgence and I will get back to the proper subject in the next post. But I wanted to highlight that even writers have feelings. LOL

And the photo at the top is of my wonderful daughter and step grand-daughter. I am so lucky.

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