Tuesday 27 April 2010

loneliness or solitude

Loneliness can be so destructive. It can happen at strange times, for example, you can be in a room full of people and have never felt so lonely or ever felt more loved . No one can know because it is all on the inside and doesn't come through the facade that we all put up. Writers are particularly good at that, partly I think because we have so many worlds going on in our heads that maybe we don't actually know who we are at any particular moment.
In the last eight months my world has been turned upside down by various events that mean I have been that person - relishing in the solitude or dying on the inside from loneliness. But throughout I have had my writing, a place to escape, a bubble to live in. I don't think I hurt anyone by doing that and possibly understand my writing more because of it. But it is not always tolerated. There are certain expectations and I don't seem capable of meeting them. I am me and not who people think I should be.
Throughout this time the other saving grace has been reading. A chance to escape into another world created by someone else who has lived every moment as they painstakingly wrote each word on the page. I have found answers in these pages and for me it further highlighted the importance of my PhD and the need to write about contentious subjects in young adult fiction so that like me teenagers can escape into worlds and look for answers.

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