Tuesday, 8 June 2010


Just when you think things are going ok, you are taking control again and you can see a future someone/thing sticks a few extra stairs there ready for you to trip down, falling flat on your face at the bottom. But as always you get up and start again. Trouble is every time it happens it is that bit harder to do.

I knew this week was going to be tough but it has turned to be more difficult than I could possibly of imagined. It is filled with words like menopause, single, body failure. All of which are small insignificant words in themselves but are great at removing any sense of self or womanhood.

I am still trying to find who I am now I am no longer a carer and weeks like this don't help. Hang on need to open the window as yet another hot flush springs a surprise. Why do these things all come at once. A great friend is going through similar but different issues. Today is our day for feeling sorry for ourselves. We have both lost any sense of purpose or future. To a certain extent who am I kidding doing a PhD what purpose will I serve once I have got it. Other than I can wear a very fetching floppy hat. But also it is something I have wanted for so long and I love my project I have to hope that is enough.

We will get that sense of who we are back because that is what we do. I am going to hide in a corner lick my wounds and come bouncing back as if nothing has ever happened.

So be prepared!!

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