Creative Head Space

Edvard Munch 'The Scream'

I was in a meeting on Friday discussing a symposium we are running in June and then a chapter that I had co-written that we were going to change into an article. I was listening to the words being spoken and at the back of my head their was a mini-me doing a very good impression of this Edvard Munch picture. For the briefest moment I thought I can't do it. My head felt like it was going to explode and I just didn't feel like I had the words to make it work. I had no head space left. I am sure I will but it made me realise how difficult it is to write, to be creative all the time when you have so many other pressures on you.

I know I am not the only one and am sure many of you can empathise with that scenario. I was discussing with IC it yesterday and I know she experiences the same thing. In both my roles I am constantly giving feedback on other people's work. I spend most days reading and I have to dig deep to find constructive feedback. It takes energy and head space. But I am also a writer and I need head space to be able to do that too. If I am honest and I can't find the time or head space to write it has an impact on my well being. I start to battle with the big black dog. He is a friend at the moment and I know it is because I have not had the time to release my creativity.

Again I am sure I am not the only one. It is important that you allow yourself the time and space to write. It is almost like giving yourself permission to write too. To even acknowledge that you are a writer sometimes. It is something we say to our first years when they join the university - you need to call yourselves writers. It is quite a hard thing to admit particularly if you have not been published. What gives you the write [sic] to do that?

I know some people like to have a routine where they write every single day for a set amount of time. Others write when they can. But as I said in my previous post you have to do what works for you. I have tried the write every day scenario. It didn't work for me in that instead it just created additional pressure in that if I didn't manage to write every day I felt more of a failure. What I do do now is write frantically in short bursts when uni finishes and snatch moments when I can during semester time if inspiration grabs me. I try very hard not to feel guilty about it. This is not always easy. You need to work out your own strategies that allow you the freedom to write and the head space to let those words.

In the meantime semester has finished... there is marking to be done, a validation document to be written, manuscripts to read, a book to be written, a chapter to be converted to an article, a novel to rewrite, a symposium to organise, workshops to run...and...and...and...and...and...and... breathe, don't panic.

But I had some good news about the chapter breakdown of the novel yesterday - the story is working - so the creative juices are beginning to trickle their way into my head space. I am not going to try and force it until my head empties out a bit and the black dog shrinks from the Great Dane that is sat beside me to the small Beagle that I can cope with.

This is a new sound track to my life. It is one of my favourites. I listen to it a lot as it seems to fit in to this particular moment in time. It is Josh Ritter - Change of Time 

Editing, head space and PhDs

Happy Days!

It was two years ago today that I took my PhD viva. Time has flown, the world has changed and so have I. The little lad in the picture is now a toddler and loving life. My daughter is still smiling and I am very aware of how important family is. I am also aware of how fragile life is.

Things have been happening over the last few months that have made me think, made me reassess and consider what actually makes me happy. One thing I do know is that I still love my writing, escaping into a world of words. I love my research and need to develop it further. However, my research profile is not as strong as it should be that is in part due to work commitments that consume every waking moment leaving no head space to let ideas develop. That is one thing that has to change.
I have lots of ideas bubbling away both creative and critical. I just need to focus and create that head space and I am going to. Watch this space.

During the past week I was talking to NS via skype and we were discussing that innate inability to self edit your own work at times. We both acknowledge that when critiquing other people's work you can see the mistakes both structural and copy but when it comes to your own there is a sense that the shutters come down. This can mean there are some cringe worthy moments when an editor/critique partner points out an issue  in your work that you know you have picked other people up on. Yet you still can't see it in your own work. We were also discussing the importance of working with people and organisations that you trust. I am lucky I can offer that sort of support to my students at the University of Winchester but also to others through  the Golden Egg Academy. It is a very satisfying process watching something grow and evolve. I just get irritated when I can't see my own mistakes.

In fact I am fascinated as to why we can't see the mistakes so I asked gorgeous daughter, who knows a bit about brains, and she came back with the obvious - your brain sees what it thinks it has written and not necessarily what is actually on the page. This is all well and good but how do you make it see it afresh and anew. I am aware there are all the ideas about leaving it in your bottom drawer for three months and then going back to it but it can still be an issue. I know about reading it backwards so you just see the words and not the sentences. Then of course the ever important reading out loud. All of which are valid but I still find the occasional mistakes gets through - so frustrating. I want to explore how the brain works more with this.

How do you approach your editing?

I also wanted to let you in on my plan. It is my intention to use this blog more to develop my ideas as I focus on my research. It is something I have seen a friend do and it works well so thought I would give it a go too. It is time to take control and move on. Watch this space.

However, this is the second post I have written today but the first one will never see the light of day. It ended up just too personal for me and my family but still needed to be something that was written down. This is for all my family, you will know why I have chosen this particular version. Love you.