The past and J K Rowling

Yesterday was supposed to be the last post of 2011 but then I thought I would share this with you. In the meantime and at the risk of repeating myself I hope 2012 brings you a lot of happiness and possibly the odd publishing contract!

Just before Christmas I had a skip delivered. Madness you may think but we needed a clear out. There were boxes in my son's room which had never been opened from the day we moved in 5 years ago. But what happens when you have a clear out is that you find things that weren't lost but are full of memories.

There were a mass of documents and brochures relating to my business which was part of my 'past' life. Was I really that woman that ran a PR and management consultancy company? What happened to her? Luckily she faded away. I didn't like her.

There were cards wishing me good luck with my course. I started a degree in English at Winchester uni  in 2002 having lost the business through ill health. There was also a diary which I had planned to write throughout my course which I had forgotten all about. I didn't complete it but I did manage to write odd snippets for the first semester. I found a comment I had written after just two weeks which said 'I love this. I wonder if I can do the MA and then a PhD?' The answer is yes you can and did! The final entry was a random comment relating to bumping into a lecturer who I  knew of but didn't know as he hadn't taught me. He had had to step into mark the creative writing assessments at the last minute. He remembered what I had written and informed me that I could write! I was astounded as this lecturer knew nothing about me. He might not have said that if he had known then how often he would have to work with me in the future... would you AM? LOL

I also found a book plate which is signed by J K Rowling - a proper signature not a laser print one. I had forgotten that we had been given this. It was just lying in a drawer. I have now stuck it into one of her books. When I mentioned on fb that I had found it the immediate suggestion was to sell it. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I write for children and I would be rich if I had a pound for every time a person said of my writing: 'Are you going to be the next J K Rowling?' The answer is of course I am not going to be and I wouldn't want to be. The Harry Potter books are unique. Two of my children loved reading them. I would have to order 3 copies of the book when they came out so we could all read it at the same time then we could talk about it and no one could spoil it for the others. My youngest loved the films (he hates books!) and has bought me the complete set of DVDs for Christmas. On which note I confess I love Harry Potter too. I know as a CW lecturer the writing could be tightened at times and I am aware that a lot of people knock them but as far as I am concerned they are great stories to escape into. J K Rowling does the best description of meals ever! So maybe I will keep that signature just for the sheer pleasure of it and as a reminder of all those magical moments when,  as a family, we would discuss Harry Potter. Thank you JK.

This song is called The Universal Child and that is who, as writers, we write for, never forget who they are. I love this song, see if you can spot the Icarus reference. It is here especially for my children who have grown and flown. And for my grandchild and step grandchildren who are just beginning to grow. Just in case you didn't know I am so proud of you all.

Icarus and kites

This is an oil picture by Babara Fletcher entitled 'Man with Kite'. Today in a moment of reckless abandon I purchased her watercolour and acrylic version of the same picture. Though much smaller and cheaper. It is beautiful and it is me I have decided. I am that man flying my kite. Testing the water, seeing what I can do with it. Swoop through the sky with my feet safely on the ground. I am being an insecure Icarus, having quite got the faith to leap but allowing the kite to live my dreams.

I got the picture from one of my favourite galleries. It is true escapism to go there but also full of inspiration for a writer. I took my painting and then did something I never do (the guilt associated with taking time for me when I have so much else to do always stops me) - I say in a coffee shop and sipped a little bit of chamomile tea whilst I took in every inch of this tiny picture.

I love beautiful skies, I love the stars and the moon. They are my inspiration. There is a story in Italo Calvino's Cosmicomics about climbing up to the moon using a ladder. Earlier this week there was a moon I am sure you could do that too. I was picking my son up from work at midnight and there it was hanging in blackness. An orange moon that I could almost touch as it was so low in the sky. It was mystical.

I bought this picture today because it is my time to be Icarus and not the man on the beach. Maybe stupidly but with faith it is time for me to step off the cliff and try to reach the sun or moon with my writing. To believe and have faith in it and myself by trusting the connections. But more importantly to go back to being who I really am as a person and a writer and not let others decide who I should be. There are only a few who know me enough to suggest things like that (at times knowing me better than I know myself) and it is them that I need to listen to again. I need to go back to reaching for the stars, the moon and the sun in my own way just like Icarus but without the ultimate fall hopefully.

A very short clip!