2011 SCBWI Conference

Or you know when you've been SCWBI'd when:*

1) Your head is buzzing and you see inspiration around every corner. 
2) You meet up with many fb friends find that they are just delightful in ‘real life’.
 3) You are told by an author, who you have admired for years, “but you know more than I do!” Even if he didn't mean it, it felt good!
 4) You get to lie down on the job….or rather you get to play the denouement for Anthony McGowan!**
 5) You meet an agent who doesn’t bite your head off and spit it out. And also doesn’t say ‘What on earth makes you think you can write?’
 6) You are surrounded by like-minded people who get just as excited as you about writing for children.
 7) You hear Frank Cottrell Boyce say ‘A tale isn’t beautiful until it is added to.’**
 8) You hear a member of the industry panel say ‘Don’t look at what’s selling, write what you want.’**
 9) You hear a group of authors who write ‘Edgy’ YA fiction who all spoke so passionately about a subject that is so important to me.**
 10)You get to read Candy Gourlay’s speech which makes you realise what is possible and not to give up. (Wished I could have heard it but the body had other ideas as it always seems to)
 11) You can’t wait to get back to the computer to start writing as, and going back to where I started, you see inspiration round every corner.
 *with thanks to Nick Cross
 ** There will be more detailed posts on these at a later date
 This is Ed Sheeran with his Lego House, just because he is my new favourite and I have just got his CD!

Full Stop - the PhD has finished

Yesterday I received my PhD at our Faculty of Arts graduation.I thought I would tell you about what an amazing day it was. It is always a spectacular event. For 3 days Winchester is full of excited graduates in black and purple robes (PhD robes are glorious, they are red and purple). Proud families sit outside the numerous cafes chattering and laughing before going in.

Our graduations always runs like clockwork thanks to all in Registry and it is held in the Cathedral which, and I'm sorry but there is no other word for it, is awesome! A great deal of pomp and circumstance goes on. I was very lucky to have my family there to share the moment (including my three and half month old grandson who was beautifully behaved).

It always starts when the senior management and lecturers plus those receiving honorary degrees (Phillippa Forrester and Tony Palmer, who both gave fantastic and inspirational speeches) process down the aisle to the front where they take their places on the dais. Once there all the students are presented to the Chancellor, Dame Mary Fagan, who congratulates every single one of them.

The PhD students come last. This year there were just the two of us in this particular ceremony. Myself and Graham Spencer, who started his PhD at the same time as me so it seemed fitting we should be together. Debbie Welham who also started with us (but finished earlier as she was full time) was ushering and there was a great deal of reminiscing going on! It had been many years since we used to all be sat together on a Monday night doing Research Training.

Many of my friends from the University managed to be in the cathedral too (if you are on facebook you can see many photos!). Plus Sally Ballet, who is a casual verger at the Cathedral (and yes she is quite offended by the title) and like a family member. She and I have been friends for over 20 years so it seemed fitting that she could be there too.

This was the year I particularly wanted to graduate as it was the first time that I had students graduating who I had taught from the first year through to the end. They were a great group and I was so proud of them.

The usher at the end of our row was also a great friend, Leonie, I was just surrounded by friends. It was wonderful. She gave me the biggest smile ever as she pointed me in the right direction. I waved to my students as I walked by. It is quite an impressive feeling walking up the aisle of the Cathedral to the front where I was my met by my Director of Studies, Andy Melrose, who taught me as an undergrad, then during my MA and finally getting me through my PhD. I am lucky, he has become a great friend along the journey too. He greeted me with one of the biggest grin I have seen from him for a long time. He had to present me to the Chancellor as my name and the title of my thesis is read out. It is all quite formal...

But then it happened, a moment, I will never, ever forget throughout the whole of my life. As I walked (limped) up the stairs so I could hear the clapping start then my children whooping. Suddenly the roof came off the cathedral as the clapping became a crescendo of cheers from my students, friends and colleagues. It was just incredible. The Chancellor said 'Everyone seems very happy about your degree!' When Andy helped me back down the stairs he just said 'Did you hear that?'

Outside I was met by another of my supervisors who happens also to be Senior Pro Vice Chancellor, Professor Liz Stuart, who handed me a feather, which will mean nothing to most of you but to those who know the story of my Mum and feathers will understand how important this was. There were more hugs and photographs and many, many delighted students who came to see me.

The day continued on that sort of a high as I received so many congratulations. Many of my friends joined me for drinks before I took my family for a meal. It was a way of saying thank you as I owe these people so much. They have been great friends and such a support throughout the process.

I was on Cloud 9...and still am.

This has just really been mere details I have found it impossible to explain to you how truly amazing the day was. It seems ironic, I am a writer, yet sometimes words fail to appear when you are trying to describe a perfect moment so am going to end on this song for no other reason than I love it.

Review of c.j. Skuse's Pretty Bad Things

Pretty Bad Things is c.j.skuse’s debut novel and is published by Chicken House. And what a debut! It is the story of Paisley and Beau, the ‘Wonder Twins’, who had first hit the headlines when they were six and were found lost in a forest. As readers, we join them when they are sixteen and they are given the letters that their absent dad had been sending to them from prison for the last ten years. Their grandmother had ordered that the letters should be destroyed but her housekeeper kept them and gave them to Beau instead. The twins had been separated for a lot of this time with Paisley being sent to various boarding schools which she inevitably was expelled from as she was a troublemaker whilst her brother had to live with their grandmother. He had learnt to keep his head down and not to rock the boat despite being badly bullied at school. The incident with the letters triggers a journey for the twins as they go to search for their absentee dad in Las Vegas. The dad they were told didn’t care about them. The letters showed otherwise. Their search for him becomes intertwined with crime as in a desperate attempt to find him they rob various candy stores leaving a trail behind them in the hope their dad will pick up on it.

As a lecturer in creative writing at the University of Winchester there is a second year module which I teach on entitled ‘Textual Intervention’ where we encourage students to look at stories, fairy tales etc and ‘intervene’ with them. Pretty Bad Things is a perfect example of this. The ‘intervention’ with Grimms’ Hansel and Gretal, is inspired. I have to say the grandmother is one of the most evil characters I have come across recently. A perfect witch. There were many times when I wondered how low could she go?

Skuse has produced two main characters with really strong yet distinctive voices. The story is told in the first person and the chapters alternate between Paisley and Beau so you get a balanced view of everything that goes on. I have to confess there were times when I wanted to slap Paisley but her desperation is so apparent that by the end you can almost forgive her anything. Talking of the ending, it is not predictable and neither is it sugar coated. This is a story full of emotion and effectively shows the turmoil of being a teenager. It also gives you, as the reader, that opportunity to vicariously experience being the rebellious teenager you always wanted to be.

This is a good and challenging read. Give it a go!

Whilst writing this review it has been a perfect autumn day so I thought this would be a perfect piece of music to finish on. Justin Hayward lived next door to a close family friend and this has so many memories of those times so this is for Aunt Syl and all the laughter from those times.

When I handed my MA dissertation I felt bereft but nothing prepared me for the way I would feel once the PhD process was over with. I am totally lost. Something that filled every waking minute for the last four years has gone and I have to say it is a very strange and horrible feeling. What do I do now? Part of the problem is I don't think I ever thought beyond the PhD. I am told that there is plenty to do, just got to work out what it is. Doing a PhD gives you a structure and a title -you are a research student - then when it is has finished both have gone.

In a couple of weeks the whole process comes to a very final end when I graduate, which will be an amazing experience. We get to wear the most wonderful gowns and we graduate in Winchester Cathedral which is truly spectacular. I will be surrounded by family and friends so it will be a fantastic day. But I have set myself a challenge I have got to get over this dreadful feeling of loss by then. There is so much to do out there, so I am told, even if things like not being able to travel are thrown in my way. I have rewrites to do to the PhD novel for a publisher who have expressed an interest. I have papers to write. But it is all very scary. I think I need a whole bucket full of courage. Fancy holding my hand ;-)

I should also say I haven't been totally wasting my time. I have been reading several books which I am going to post reviews on very soon. It is a novelty to read a book without having to think how it fits in with the PhD, so there are benefits. Keep an eye out for my reviews on Meg Rosoff's There is no dog, c.j.Skuse's Pretty Bad Things and Jandy Nelson's The Sky is Everywhere, for a start.

Don't get me wrong despite all the stress at times and the feeling of loss now I wouldn't change a thing. My PhD years were truly good years.

Plato and Virginia

Say hello to my new friends, Plato and Virginia Woolf, who have traveled all the way from Melbourne via Canberra to watch over me as I write. They are currently attached to my bed head - they are not only finger puppets but magnets too. Virginia is watching me get a 'room of one's own' as I plan to stop writing, working, living and sleeping on my bed and instead have that space to write! I am finding it harder and harder to write as I feel so cluttered and cornered. Whilst Plato is here to help me focus on my reasoning by helping me to understand the decisions I make/made. They are both here to help balance my left brain and right brain. Both of which I believe are required when writing. All creativity has a critical element. Decisions to be made such as what word to use or what direction to take the story/poem/script in. All these decisions come under the wonderful idea of being creatively critical and critically creative which, I believe, sums up the writing process. I love the idea of understanding my processes which is why I embarked on a PhD I do believe.

My PhD, as I have been told frequently, is just the beginning. And I thought so too, I had so many aspirations, which included world domination of course, unfortunately they have splintered in front of my eyes this week. I have to rethink so much now and learn to let my fingers do the walking instead. As always when things are hard I escaped into writing and reading. I came upon this: '...you might gain more and more trust in what is hard and in your own loneliness among other people. And otherwise let life take its course. Believe me: life is right, whatever happens.'(Rainer Maria Rilke) It is something I will keep reminding myself. In the meantime the song below was sent to me at my lowest moment by a friend who understood how sad I felt. In the meantime I just have to find new ways to have an impact on this world.

The end of a chapter...maybe

 A friend sent  me a wonderful Rothko picture today as she has spent the weekend going round art galleries. It sounded like a wonderful time. We had spent some time together earlier in the summer which included an indulgent moment sitting in the Rothko Room in Tate Modern followed by a glass of champagne. Moments like that add to the 'rich tapestry of life'. I can hear my brother cringing from here as this was a saying he and my mother used to use all the time. It came to mind the other day when I was involved in a Facebook conversation about editing. I am someone who writes cold and edits hot. That is not the normal way round so I keep being told. I get the bare bones of the story down so I know I have a structure and then go back and edit it by adding in the 'colour' to bring it to life.

I keep trying to write at the moment but life gets in the way as there are things that need finishing. I do sit there with my manuscript and pencil ready to give it a go but the mind always drifts off elsewhere. There is part of me that wishes it was this time last year as I was about to embark on a Writer's Tutored Retreat having been awarded an Arvon Grant. It allowed me a whole week to write without any interruptions apart from the odd text message. It was the most wonderful experience and gave me the opportunity to finish the first complete draft of the PhD novel. But it was also a time which allowed me to remember why I write and why I love it so much. If you get the opportunity to go on a Arvon course or retreat take it, you will be surprised by how much you get out of it. Not only did I get write in peace and quiet but also I met up with a great group of like minded people with whom I am still in touch.

This piece of music was one of the old girl's favourites. It is all drama which was her all over. Tomorrow, hopefully, will be the end of a chapter connected with her that needs desperately to be finished so we can all move on. Fingers crossed

Disjointed

Disjointed is a novel that started as my final year project when I was an undergrad. It was also the piece of creative writing that was responsible for me ending up doing a creative writing PhD that focused on the representations of sex, drugs and alcohol in YAF. Disjointed is a piece of YAF that looks at cannabis psychosis - not an on trend subject!!

Until recently it has resided in a bottom drawer which I always thought I would never revisit. However, whilst I am waiting for feedback from a publisher on Ham and Jam, another YA novel I have written, I thought I would look at it again and was quite surprised that it wasn't as desperate as I thought. When I first wrote it I did have some interest from a small publisher but they wanted me to change the psychotic voice to one that sounded like a hippy. Possibly arrogantly, I refused as that made a farce of the rest of the story.

Anyway I am thinking of rewriting it - which includes adding to it as at the moment it is too short. I want to make it darker as well. One of my main decisions is whether to change the setting. At the moment it is in middle England and I am wondering if I should move it to an inner city location - though is that a cliche and a little too predictable? Need to think on that one.

Coming back to a piece of old work can be daunting, in one way I find is like starting afresh and having pages of ideas to pick from but in another you try to have to pick up on the thoughts you had at the time of writing. You have to embark on that journey again. I found this quote recently in my PhD notes from Susan Sontag and I think it explains (not specifically) one of the aspects of writing for children really well, she says a novelist ‘...is someone who takes you on a journey. Through space. Through time. A novelist [who] leads the reader over a gap, makes something go where it was not' It is stepping into the experiential gap between perceived experienced adult writer and less experienced reader then inviting them to join and explore your story together. So I am going to pick up my Disjointed map and go for a trip whilst seeing if I can get any young adults to join me there!

I was looking for an appropriate song and came across this odd little song by Neil Diamond no less!