Serendipity - or how a moment in time can change your world.

Andalusian School of Equine Art

It is a strange feeling this morning as when I looked at my phone I noticed the date. 19th December - nothing spectacular about it really except it was the day in 2000 that changed my life.

It was the day that I had surgery that went wrong and meant I could no longer eat. I went through hell in the first year but once they fitted me with a PEG tube (tube into your stomach through which you are fed directly) I started to take control of my life again. It was suggested I might want to just sit in the corner and wait to die (not the exact words but the implication) luckily for me I have a specialist nutrition nurse who didn't believe in that idea either.

As a direct consequence I lost my business and was unable to work but instead I went to the University of Winchester to do a degree in English which happened to have Creative Writing modules. I had no idea what  that decision would mean for me. It changed my life totally. I couldn't have done it though without the support of my children who were all young at the times and never questioned my choice, just stood by me all the way. Thank you C, L & T xx

That surgery on this day so many years ago was serendipitous. I have met some amazing people who have been so inspirational and supportive, many of whom have actually changed my life and taken me in lots of different directions that I could not have expected. I wouldn't be here today if it hadn't been for them  and their belief in me. Luckily most are still part of my life - you all know who you are.

Earlier this year I had the privilege of writing a paper with a good friend about the early days after the surgery. If you are interested you can read it here

The picture above was taken when on a research trip earlier this week for my latest novel. How lucky am I to be able to undertake research like this? (PS Thank you IC for the Christmas present!) I have been to France in the name of research too. I have been all over the UK and to the US giving academic papers. As well as writing a chapter, with AM, which I am very proud of, on the representation of drugs in children's literature. I am currently working on aforementioned novel and an academic book, which I have been commissioned to write about writing young adult fiction. The world never stands still.

Through my work I was lucky enough to come across IC and that meeting changed my life also. It has been exciting year being involved in Golden Egg Academy and watching so many aspiring authors grow.

None of this could have happened without that moment when the surgery went wrong. Today is a day of celebration for me. Don't get me wrong it hasn't been easy but it is amazing what you can do with support from families and friends who are there to stick the pieces back together.

This picture was a gift by AM and it is entitled 'It's Never Too Late,' by Philip Dunn. This is my mantra and will take me into next year too. See it's never too late but you have to be willing to embrace change and make the most of it.

My world is changing again, my sons have moved out and am finding myself on my own for the first time ever. The labels of life have disappeared but this picture is going to take pride of place in the house as I reclaim it as mine.

I am not going to apologise for this indulgent blog post. I just wanted to say as the picture says...It is never too late...Go on follow your dreams. I did and have never been happier.

I am a great believer in having a sound track to my life. As part of this I have decided that this year in my blog I am going to share music that I see  as part of that sound track. The following piece has played a large part in my life right from when the surgery happened and in many guises including on the day of my PhD viva. This is Kate Rusby's version of  'You Belong To Me'

What happens when your muses move out?

My inspiration

My world is changing at the moment. Gorgeous daughter is getting married in less than two weeks and youngest son moves out to live with his girlfriend next week. Think eldest son will be moving out very soon too also to live with his girlfriend. I will have an empty nest. What has that got to do with my writing. Quite a bit actually because they were my inspiration. They are part of the reason I wrote young adult fiction.

But as you can gather from above they are all in their 20s now so are at the top end of YA anyway. Does that mean I need to change my writing? Do I have a right to continue writing YAF? What happens when your muses move out? Will I be able to still write? Rachel Ward wrote a insightful post on a similar idea this week on Author Allsorts Blog. I have no idea what the answer to these questions are going to be. It will be a wait a see moment.

As you know from last week I have a new story to write and though it has a young adult protagonist it is very different from anything I have written so far. I am loving writing and am very inspired by it but have yet to find out whether IC thinks it is working and worth pursuing. IC and I were having a conversation this week about writing (we weren't supposed to be talking about that but we had gone off at a tangent as we do oh so frequently!). We were talking about the need to maintain momentum if you get published. You need another book (or at least a good idea) there ready. But of course there some people who don't want to write anymore. They have had their one book published and that's all they wanted. This I find very difficult to understand. I have to write, or at the very least I constantly have ideas going round in my head, and I know from some of my writerly friends they feel the same. I cannot imagine just writing one story. I watch people and make up stories about them. I look at artefacts and think about what has happened to them, what might they have seen? My world is full of 'what ifs?' just like Rachel.

I am hoping that with my empty house I will have 'a room of one's own' to write in.I also hope this will give me the head space to create wonderful narratives. And even though my muses will have gone the stories will still flow because, like Rachel Ward, I find teenagers fascinating. I love to see them trying to work out who they are and developing such strong identities with their whole lives ahead of them. However, I must continue to keep an eye on teenage culture, continue to read young adult fiction and watch what is making their world turn.

Yesterday I had to set up a royalites account for an academic book I am about to write. That is pretty daunting too. All very grown up. It is based on elements of my PhD but also a lot more. I will be relieved to have the space to research and write it in too.

Time to embrace the new world and fight the fear. Please excuse the obvious sentimentality of this but they may be moving out and starting wonderful, well deserved new lives but they will always 'still belong to me'. Thank you for being the best children anyone could ever wish for CH, LH and TH and good luck for the future gorgeous people. I am so proud of you all. (Oops is that vomit sounds I can hear?!)

The end....

A week ago I was preparing for my final viva. The photo is of me immediately afterwards and, yes, I was a traumatised as I looked. Two long hours of interrogation but I walked away having been awarded a PhD (with some minor corrections) after four years of effort.The flowers were from a friend who started her PhD at the same time as me who came miles so she could be waiting outside, an absolute treasure. My DoS came in with me (he has to sit behind me) but prior he did his utmost to keep me calm by bringing a great friend with him, which was a wonderful surprise as she had been such a great support throughout the last year. He also played some music at my request as it kept my mind of what was to come.I owe him a lot. I also owe my children and my nephew a lot as they celebrated with me that night. I seem to be in debt to a lot of people!

But I feel I should be ecstatic but at the moment it hasn't sunk in so I feel more numb than anything. I don't feel like it is real.

I went straight from the viva to a conference which was good if exhausting followed by a day in London with the same friend who surprised me at my viva. We talked lots, laughed loads and occasionally cried some. We saw Ai Weiwei's sunflower seeds and felt humbled, rested in Rothko's room and were enthralled by women war artists at the Imperial War Museum, then cried more at the awe-inspiring War Horse.

But now I am home and back to reality. It has been suggested that this should be the end of this blog and maybe it will be, but maybe it won't. At the moment I am not making any decisions. Instead I need to stop and think 'what next'. When I have made that choice you will be the first to know

In the meantime, here is one of my favourite songs. It is Kate Rusby's I belong to you. It is a theme that has run throughout my PhD but also in my 'past' life where it was a favourite for different reasons. Enjoy, as I love it.