Lockdown thoughts and a tribute to a lost friend

Today’s blog post is not a #writingishard post. Instead, I decided to write one from the heart. It is something I felt I needed to say. To say it is strange times is an understatement, isn’t it. We are living through history. In years to come people will ‘What was it like during Covid-19?’ and we will say we were there. People will write about this period in time. I find that concept quite surreal.

I know talking to friends that we are all going through similar emotions. A lot of the time we feel we are coping. Getting on with life doing a variety of things but then suddenly for no reason, we become

NANNY!

emotional and tearful. As I was talking to a friend on FB (Social media has never become so important as it is now) I think it is vital to acknowledge these moments of feeling overwhelmed. You shouldn’t be feeling ashamed of them. We are all feeling like it at times. My way of coping them is to do something mindless like colouring in a picture, doing some drawing (I’m a really bad artist but I know no one will ever see them), or dance crazily to my favourite music – it is the old adage, dance as if no one is watching – that is me. I live alone but I am lucky, and I know it, I have family very close, and I am mean very close. I was working yesterday and in the middle of a workshop, I heard this ‘NANNY’ being shouted. I opened my door and there was my youngest grandson at his fence wanting me to catch bubbles with him. There is a house between us, but Emily didn’t mind bubbles flying across her garden. I sneaked out for a couple of minutes to do just that. It makes all the difference for my sanity.

Family quiz

Checking in on people is vital at the moment. A quick message on text, Twitter, Instagram, WhatsApp or Messenger, whatever is your favourite method can make all the difference. It can bring a smile or even a giggle. My social life has taken a real upturn. We even have a family quiz night now. I went to the virtual village pub via Zoon last Friday night and have caught up with friends and siblings too. It can make a huge difference when you live alone just to hear someone’s voice. But the things I miss the most is a hug. Is human contact. Is my grandchildren wrapping their arms around me. Is holding my brand-new granddaughter and watching her newly learnt smile. The bear hugs from my sons and the all-enveloping hug from my daughter. The ache for those is physical. It really hurts. Those are the things I am going to do first when this lockdown is over.

During this time my colleagues and I have had to deal at a distance with the loss of a great friend. We

RIP Prof Neil McCaw

haven’t been able to come together to share our grief. Prof Neil McCaw was a larger than life character. He wore the best shirts. He so kind, but never suffered fools gladly. I have sat opposite him in meetings and he’d give me a look, just slightly raising an eyebrow, with a slight twitch of a grin. I’d know that I’d get an email later with his ‘thoughts’ on the meeting. His emails were the best. I’d quite often get an email from him because he’d found something that he knew would interest me because that’s what he was like. We’d talk about tv programmes, theory of creativity, life, dealing with illness and dogs. I knew if I had a worry, I could ask him, and he would give me an honest answer. It wasn’t always necessarily the answer I wanted to hear, but I knew it was always the best answer. Neil was a great support. He always had my back. He mentored me in my career and celebrated my successes. He was a truly gentle man and a gentleman, so kind and generous of heart. He knew so much and was so interesting to talk to. Passionate about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and George Eliot. You could have a fascinating and challenging conversation with him.

He started, with Andy Melrose, the Creative Writing Undergraduate Programme at Winchester. He always strove to make it the best it could possibly be. His leadership was such that we all wanted the same. He showed us how to be the best academic you could be. It made you push to ensure your teaching was at the top of your game. Neil achieved his aim too. The programme was number one in the country and renowned for what it offered. We were proud to be part of it and what he was creating.

My heart goes out to all my colleagues and to his family. Neil, go shine brightly for us.

This seems appropriate a bit of Paul Buchanan

Circles and family and Papers....

There was a rare occurrence last night. The Harbour family went out on mass to the Village Fireworks. We don't often get to go out all together these days because we all are involved in different things. It was amazing how quickly they reverted to being children - Toby kept having to be reminded by Bea aged 5 that dancing down the middle of the road was not safe! It was also wonderful because we were accompanied by Charlie's partner Greg and the children obviously and Greg's parents and sister and husband. We were suitably noisy and raucous as any large family should be. Leo spotted a shooting star; Toby was confused by pumpkin lanterns, Charlie was as frightened as ever by fireworks (not helped by her brother shouting in her ear)but the highlight for me has to be Seb, age 5 (and yes Bea's twin brother), who was so excited by the fireworks he just kept on dancing with his eyes focused on the sky. Oh to have his lack of inhibition and total love of life. The village has been holding the fireworks every year for as many years as I can remember and certainly ever since we moved to the village 24 years ago. Initially it was run by the cricket club but is now run by the scouts and a good job was done by all. It is very much a village tradition as on the day of the bonfire if you have stuff you want burnt you put it at the front of your house and John, Greg's Dad, comes along and picks it up in his lorry. The same lorry that used to go round the village on the last Sunday before Christmas with Father Christmas sitting on the back and the cricket club in their whites delivering sweets to all the children of the village. Mine used to love it, in part because they knew all the cricket club lot. But I love the irony of the fact John and sometimes later Greg were handing sweets out to my daughter who will soon be part of their family. Life is all circles.

I then went on to the house of some old friends for dinner (clarify, they eat I watch but they have no problem with that). I sat there listening to our conversation and realised how it had changed. Our discussions used to be based around our children and what problems they might be causing now we discuss our parents and the problems we now have to deal with just trying to make sure they are ok. We got onto Christmas inevitably, both Karen and I have lost a parent this year. It is going to be a strange one but at least we have each other to understand what it is going to be like. There are some fabulous reasons for living in a village and knowing so many people. As a child we moved a lot but my children are born and bred in Winchester. It is wonderful to see how secure they are and how many long term friendships they have. They all have good friends who they started nursery with. It is a good feeling.

Last week was a fraught week and the next one even more so. But once it is over I can focus on my PhD and relax a bit. I finally got the journal out after much swearing at the software package which we use. (I am going to change this before the next edition). Once it was online I was delighted with the way it looked(go to www.write4children.org and click on Vol II Iss I to have a peep). It is once again an eclectic mix of articles, discussion papers and reviews as it melds together the fields of writing for children and research into children's literature.

This week I have two papers to give in three days. The one on Wednesday is for an international symposium to be held at Winchester University and including, on the panel, my great friend Jen Webb and some of her Australian colleagues. I am worried about this paper because it is the first time I have presented to people I know. I tend to go away to conferences where nobody knows me! I am happier with the content of the paper though as it is embedded in my PhD thesis. The symposium is being followed by an exhibition called Kyoto, a big story about a boy and a little bear and a little story about global warming (starts at 6.00pm in The Stripe at Winchester University if you are around and would like to see it). The book Kyoto is a collaboration between Karenanne Knight who illustrated the book and Andrew Melrose (my DoS) who wrote it. They have developed the idea into a project that can be taken around schools and Wednesday is the launch. I wish them well with it as I know they have both worked hard on it. (Kyoto is available on Amazon if you are interested).

Once all that excitement is over I then have to drive up to Cheltenham on Friday after I have finished teaching to go to the NAWE conference where I will join Jen, Jeri and Donna fresh from their symposium and hopefully still not jet-lagged. They are presenting on Friday afternoon so my aim is to get there in time for that. I am presenting on Saturday morning. I talking about research informed teaching in creative writing. And I can assure you I don't feel anywhere near as confident about this paper as I do the symposium one. It will very definitely be a case of 'phew' when it is over. I am looking forward to the conference after I have given my paper and I can relax!

And talking of relaxing that will be me afterwards. This is the last thing I have committed my self to and the last thing I intend to commit to until the PhD is over. From then onwards all my spare time will be focused on my PhD and I can't wait. I have this bubble of excitement in my stomach (and no it isn't wind) when I think of being able to work on it without papers or journals getting in the way as I still love my subject but am conscious I need to move on and finish. I will have my teaching and my RIT job to do but everything else is about about the PhD.

Bring it on!!