Get the writing going

In my last post I was talking about how difficult I was finding it to write because I was marking so much, the words just seemed obliterated. However, I found a strange solution. I am co-writing a paper with a good friend on our relationship (or not) with food and as part of this I have to write a creative non fiction piece about how I felt when I could no longer eat. I haven't really thought about this for a while as it is just part of my life. Don't get me wrong it still has a major impact. I find it very difficult to travel without precise planning and long distance travelling is a huge problem. And it can very suddenly make me ill, which even now is embarrassing and I need to get away from people quickly - this happen recently when I was out with friends and had drunk more than I should (as in volume not amount of alcohol!!) and I was exceptionally tired so my body stopped working. The sense of panic and pain was almost unbearable and it is so difficult to explain because as you can see from the photo - I look fine. I don't look ill. It is a hidden disability.

Sorry I went off on a tangent then, as I said for this paper I have to write this creative non fiction piece. I started to splurge on the page how I felt when the surgery first went wrong (by the way I don't have a gastric band - none of this was by choice). The implications of not being able to eat goes way beyond nutrition. Much of our social life is based around it and all the emotions relating to this flowed onto the page.  I had to dig quite deep as the original op was back in 2000 and I had my PEG (percutaneous endoscopic gastrostomy) fitted in 2001 which gave me my life back. My children were 15, 13 and 11 when this happened. It had a huge impact on them too and it was thinking about this that started to trigger the ideas and thoughts connected with the rewrites of Ham and Jam. Some of their reactions and incidents that happened at that time were inspirational.


I am a great advocate of free writing when you are feeling stuck (I don't believe in writer's block as such). I often get my students to empty what is in their heads onto the page as I was originally taught by Dr Neil McCaw in my first year at University. To just keep writing, don't stop, don't think about whether it makes sense or punctuate it. No one else, other than you - if you want to that is- will read it. Sometimes going back over it can give you images or ideas but the main idea is to clear the clutter out of your head. I have always done this without a purpose and it was, in the main, successful. However, with this piece I was splurging with a purpose. It was hugely cathartic and releasing. The words and ideas for  Ham and Jam consequently all started flowing again. I have never done free writing like this with a specific purpose but for me it seemed to be more successful than my normal free writing. If you are struggling maybe giving it a try. Think of something that happened in your past and write about it. Allow yourself the freedom to say whatever you want and remember to look at both sides of any situation.

Joni Mitchel from Both Sides Now because I love it and heard it today